The Spirit: Your five year old nephew could make a better film.

I recently took the plunge and saw “The Spirit.” This is another graphic novel translated to film by Frank Miller. Miller has had a good track record so far with “300”: It was immensely violent, the cinematography was absolutely stunning, and everyone yelled all the time. “The Spirit” had great potential to be another kick ass film but fell short: very, very short. This movie should have been another dark, violent tale of a city strife with crime and disorder while a sole hero struggled to right the wrongs of others. However, the writers turned this vision into a slap stick farce that would make the Three Stooges rise from the dead to shoot those unfunny motherfuckers. In addition, the plot was horrendous, every sly remark sank to the bottom of the sea and drowned, and Samuel L. Jackson’s character was as scary as a four year old girl with a plastic spoon.

To be honest, I would have walked out of the theater if I wasn’t with a group of people I actually like. In fact, I was angry. This movie was so bad that it made me feel genuine rage. If I wasn’t such an upstanding citizen I would have burned down this particular cinema for showing such an abysmal piece of shit. All that manpower and money used to produce a film only to have an end product that could kill senior citizens with boredom because they are too weak to fend off the effects of such a putrid movie. “The Happening” featured a virus that caused people to uncontrollably commit suicide. Who needs a virus when they could broadcast the “The Spirit” on national television? It would be much more efficient causing a suicide rate of 99%. The only survivors would be the Helen Kellers of this nation who are devoid of sight and hearing. Yes, only the deaf and dumb could survive this shitty ass movie. The only redemption to this whole cinematic fiasco is Eva Mendez’ naked booty and Scarlett Johansson’s cleavage. Thank god for gratuitous female parts but even that could not save my neighbor’s grandmother.

The Spirit killed her
R.I.P. Mrs. Elderhaas: Victim #162. Watching “The Spirit” made her dead.

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