Featured Stories
Death by Ketchup!!! Denise Milani:  Boobs Kate Beckinsale: She Megan Fox is Going Scarlett Johansson Olga Kurylenko: Russia, you I am fat, hear me roar!

Death by Ketchup!!!

Ketchup will kill us all! As I sat there tearing into an outstanding hunk of steak between two pieces of buttered bread, I thought about Ketchup. It’s not that I didn’t have any for my deliciously tremendous potato wedges that came with my meal. I actually had an ample supply. And in between taking bites […]

Denise Milani: Boobs…They’re What’s for Dinner.

We at Steak Army are fascinated with Denise Milani. We have dedicated an entire research team to the question of why average males turn into a whimpering fool when shown pictures of this outstanding female specimen. After countless hours of calculated, empirical experimentation that would make Harvard Medical School jealous, Steak Army finally has an […]

Kate Beckinsale: She’s English AND Hot

I first saw Kate Beckinsale in the movie “Underworld.”  She wore tight black leather and killed werewolves for a living by slicing their heads in half at the mouth. For three months after its release, I wore a werewolf costume at home hoping she would break down the door in all of her attractive glory. […]

Megan Fox is…Foxy

There was this movie called “Transformers.”  It stars the incredibly hot bodied Megan Fox.  I honeslty couldn’t tell you anything else about this damn movie except that it starred some other people and featured a yellow car at some point.  I’ve seen this flick three times and still have no clue what the plot is.  […]

Going “Commando”

I recently visited the local supermarket to pick up a few required ingredients for that night’s dinner. I normally bypass the produce section as my body is allergic to all fruits and vegetables. I am lucky to have a body that performs best when fueled purely with the flesh of animals. This particular market required […]

Scarlett Johansson …Yummy!

There are a lot of gorgeous women in Hollywood. But Scarlett has a fantastic girl next door look that will leave you speechless and naked on the corner because you blindly gave her everything you own. Yes I think she is that hot. Unfortunately she stars in the just released movie “The Spirit” which is […]

Olga Kurylenko: Russia, you’ve gone and done good.

Olga Kurylenko was in the movie “Hitman.” I instantly decided that a trip to Russia was in order based on the fantasy that every girl there was in some way from the same spectacular gene pool. Of course these plans fell to the wayside due to the economic turmoil that followed. These are the, “I’m […]

I am fat, hear me roar!

As I drove by the gym the other day, of which I am a proud member, I realized that this country is obsessed with being in shape. I also realized by the amount of fat walking on the sidewalk that we are also the most out of shape donkeys in the world. Now I say […]

Obama Brand Heroin

26 January 2009

Congratulations, Mr. President. You now have a brand of Heroin named after you. We brought you some samples in a nice hardwood collectors box but Condoleeza Rice nabbed it on the way out. The Audacity Of Dope Cops: New York dealers sold heroin branded with president’s name JANUARY 23–Add heroin to the scores of products […]

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Nice Work, Associated Press

22 January 2009

The Associated Press is a news coop well known for the their professionalism, accurate reporting, and the hordes of information they process and broadcast. Their pictures, however, are just plain terrible at times. Here is one of President Barack Obama shaking the Vice President’s hand. Did anyone in their right mind really think this was […]

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Craigslist Vigilante…

20 January 2009

This little gem of an article is definitely a testament to the warrior spirit and the brand of justice that anyone can appreciate. This San Diego Craiglister decided that it wasn’t a good time for him to get mugged: I was the guy with the black leather jacket that you demanded I hand over, shortly […]

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Posted in Hysterical, Humorous, and All Around Funny....0 Comments

Obama’s Third Reich…

15 January 2009

When people decide to make catchy slogans, especially when dealing with political leaders, they really need to do some research. This Barack Obama bumper sticker clearly supports our president. However, the creator’s intentions do not overshadow the historical significance of its wording. The Nazi party of World War II Germany used a similar slogan

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Baltimore Ravens, Pittsburgh Steelers, and a Whole Lot of Hurt…

14 January 2009

Snot Bubbles… Allow me to explain. The term snot bubble was formed in the NFL. Snot bubbles are formed when a player gets his ass completely lit up by an opposing player. This particular hit is so devastating that little bubbles of mucous form around the nose area. If you are unfamiliar with this effect, […]

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Posted in Modern Day Gladiatorial Combat0 Comments

Hannibal Lector’s new line of housewares!

11 January 2009

The next time you want to impress the ladies with your mean cooking skills and debonair demeanor, make sure to have this awesome and somewhat disturbing knife block in your kitchen.*** Artist and designer Maarten Baas has finally found the ultimate method of expressing yourself

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Posted in Stuff Men Buy0 Comments

A Hardcore, Badass “Secret”

08 January 2009

There are a lot of self help books out there. It is a genre filled with readers looking for guidance and the magic formula to life. I have done some research and many of these modern day gospels deal with creating positive thinking and shutting out negative energy. One reader decided to comment (via amazon.com) […]

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Your Toyota Corolla said you were in Las Vegas…

05 January 2009

The world is great right now. I still don’t have a job, food prices have doubled, and I haven’t had sex in three years. Damn you Freddie and Fannie! It’s your fault that I didn’t go to college. Well at least my wife doesn’t know that I go to the local Beaver Hut three times […]

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