Featured Stories
Death by Ketchup!!! Denise Milani:  Boobs Kate Beckinsale: She Megan Fox is Going Scarlett Johansson Olga Kurylenko: Russia, you I am fat, hear me roar!

Death by Ketchup!!!

Ketchup will kill us all! As I sat there tearing into an outstanding hunk of steak between two pieces of buttered bread, I thought about Ketchup. It’s not that I didn’t have any for my deliciously tremendous potato wedges that came with my meal. I actually had an ample supply. And in between taking bites […]

Denise Milani: Boobs…They’re What’s for Dinner.

We at Steak Army are fascinated with Denise Milani. We have dedicated an entire research team to the question of why average males turn into a whimpering fool when shown pictures of this outstanding female specimen. After countless hours of calculated, empirical experimentation that would make Harvard Medical School jealous, Steak Army finally has an […]

Kate Beckinsale: She’s English AND Hot

I first saw Kate Beckinsale in the movie “Underworld.”  She wore tight black leather and killed werewolves for a living by slicing their heads in half at the mouth. For three months after its release, I wore a werewolf costume at home hoping she would break down the door in all of her attractive glory. […]

Megan Fox is…Foxy

There was this movie called “Transformers.”  It stars the incredibly hot bodied Megan Fox.  I honeslty couldn’t tell you anything else about this damn movie except that it starred some other people and featured a yellow car at some point.  I’ve seen this flick three times and still have no clue what the plot is.  […]

Going “Commando”

I recently visited the local supermarket to pick up a few required ingredients for that night’s dinner. I normally bypass the produce section as my body is allergic to all fruits and vegetables. I am lucky to have a body that performs best when fueled purely with the flesh of animals. This particular market required […]

Scarlett Johansson …Yummy!

There are a lot of gorgeous women in Hollywood. But Scarlett has a fantastic girl next door look that will leave you speechless and naked on the corner because you blindly gave her everything you own. Yes I think she is that hot. Unfortunately she stars in the just released movie “The Spirit” which is […]

Olga Kurylenko: Russia, you’ve gone and done good.

Olga Kurylenko was in the movie “Hitman.” I instantly decided that a trip to Russia was in order based on the fantasy that every girl there was in some way from the same spectacular gene pool. Of course these plans fell to the wayside due to the economic turmoil that followed. These are the, “I’m […]

I am fat, hear me roar!

As I drove by the gym the other day, of which I am a proud member, I realized that this country is obsessed with being in shape. I also realized by the amount of fat walking on the sidewalk that we are also the most out of shape donkeys in the world. Now I say […]

Jessica Alba Owes Me a Keyboard

18 February 2009

Every man knows who Jessica Alba is. Because every man knows who she is, every woman knows as well. She has starred in some pretty good movies and has done some horrible ones as well. Either way she is partly responsible for my premature “habits.” Enjoy the photo set and make sure your keyboards are […]

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Posted in Girls That Make My Penis Cry0 Comments

Could Things Be Any Worse?

17 February 2009

According to Rep. Paul Kanjorski of Pennsylvania the answer to the above question is a resounding, “Fuck yeah! Things could be really, really bad. I mean Mad Max, Road Warrior bad.” He didn’t exactly say those words but we here at Steak Army felt that a layman’s translation to this informative and eye opening video […]

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Posted in Featured Videos, The Attempt to Pay for Food and Shelter while Drinking and Paying for Sex0 Comments

Where NOT to Vacation

16 February 2009

Airplanes seem to be falling out of the sky lately.  In reality planes crash pretty much all the time on a global scale.  Whether they are large commercial jets or small single engine craft that weigh less than your fat aunt Helga, gravity will eventually catch up and smash you in the face with the […]

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Posted in Hysterical, Humorous, and All Around Funny....0 Comments

The Only USB Drive that Will Get You Laid

10 February 2009

Gresso Design is known for its exclusive products that are technologically advanced and “Bling, Bling” at the same time.  Their newest concoction is a USB drive known as the Pandora that retails just shy of a grand at $999.00.  Why would you pay so much for a USB drive?  It has a capacity of 64 […]

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As Seen on TV…

07 February 2009

Everyone has seen the originals of these infomercials.  One product actually looks pretty useful while the other is just a testament to how fucking lazy people are getting.  Luckily Jacksfilms of YouTube and Junot00 of BREAK.com made these two popular TV spots almost as entertaining as Girls Gone Wild.

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The Manliest Football Fan Ever…

31 January 2009

I like football. I like watching football. I like discussing football. I enjoy the humiliation and pain my friends experience when their teams lose. However, I don’t cry like a little bitch in front of my brethren when my favorite teams lose…and they lose plenty. ** ** I did cry once… but I was by […]

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David vs. Goliath: Super Bowl XLIII

31 January 2009

I ‘m sure many Steelers fans counted on their team going to the Superbowl before the season even started. And with the best defense in the league who could really blame them. On the flip side, nobody in the universe thought the Cardinals would make it to the Super Bowl. I think the Arizona players […]

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Poop. Sometimes It’s All You’ve Got

28 January 2009

This past Monday, a San Diego public defender got a special prize for doing his job. His client that day, Weusi McGowan, is suspected of home invasion robbery. McGowan, being the upset crazy motherfucker that he is, produced a zip lock bag of his own solid bodily waste. He proceeded to smear fecal matter all […]

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