Featured Stories
Death by Ketchup!!! Denise Milani:  Boobs Kate Beckinsale: She Megan Fox is Going Scarlett Johansson Olga Kurylenko: Russia, you I am fat, hear me roar!

Death by Ketchup!!!

Ketchup will kill us all! As I sat there tearing into an outstanding hunk of steak between two pieces of buttered bread, I thought about Ketchup. It’s not that I didn’t have any for my deliciously tremendous potato wedges that came with my meal. I actually had an ample supply. And in between taking bites […]

Denise Milani: Boobs…They’re What’s for Dinner.

We at Steak Army are fascinated with Denise Milani. We have dedicated an entire research team to the question of why average males turn into a whimpering fool when shown pictures of this outstanding female specimen. After countless hours of calculated, empirical experimentation that would make Harvard Medical School jealous, Steak Army finally has an […]

Kate Beckinsale: She’s English AND Hot

I first saw Kate Beckinsale in the movie “Underworld.”  She wore tight black leather and killed werewolves for a living by slicing their heads in half at the mouth. For three months after its release, I wore a werewolf costume at home hoping she would break down the door in all of her attractive glory. […]

Megan Fox is…Foxy

There was this movie called “Transformers.”  It stars the incredibly hot bodied Megan Fox.  I honeslty couldn’t tell you anything else about this damn movie except that it starred some other people and featured a yellow car at some point.  I’ve seen this flick three times and still have no clue what the plot is.  […]

Going “Commando”

I recently visited the local supermarket to pick up a few required ingredients for that night’s dinner. I normally bypass the produce section as my body is allergic to all fruits and vegetables. I am lucky to have a body that performs best when fueled purely with the flesh of animals. This particular market required […]

Scarlett Johansson …Yummy!

There are a lot of gorgeous women in Hollywood. But Scarlett has a fantastic girl next door look that will leave you speechless and naked on the corner because you blindly gave her everything you own. Yes I think she is that hot. Unfortunately she stars in the just released movie “The Spirit” which is […]

Olga Kurylenko: Russia, you’ve gone and done good.

Olga Kurylenko was in the movie “Hitman.” I instantly decided that a trip to Russia was in order based on the fantasy that every girl there was in some way from the same spectacular gene pool. Of course these plans fell to the wayside due to the economic turmoil that followed. These are the, “I’m […]

I am fat, hear me roar!

As I drove by the gym the other day, of which I am a proud member, I realized that this country is obsessed with being in shape. I also realized by the amount of fat walking on the sidewalk that we are also the most out of shape donkeys in the world. Now I say […]

Hammering small sticks of dynamite just feels so…right.

12 December 2008

I don’t have the words to explain this.  Just watch the video below!

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Posted in Featured Videos, Hysterical, Humorous, and All Around Funny....1 Comment

Men vs. Women: I love double standards.

04 December 2008

I got this little story in my inbox the other day. It really is heartwarming and makes you feel glad to be a man. ———————————————————————— This morning I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend who called ‘out-of-the-blue’ to see if I was still around. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, […]

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Why do I hear 70’s porn music???

03 December 2008

Having my own personal soundtrack has always been a nerdy fantasy of mine. At last I can train to the theme of rocky, browse for clothing with an upbeat jingle, and then pound bearded clam to some old school Motley Crue. This geeky creation lets you do it all via a glory emanating speaker placed […]

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Posted in Stuff Men Buy0 Comments

Hunting for Dummies…..

29 November 2008

My friend and I were discussing the need to revert back to our roots and hunt for food. We have never had the experience of taking the life of a future meal so I decided to do some research. Well, we came across this story. Apparently deer are not the friendly old grandmothers we expected. […]

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The bailout is how much!? How about you lick my &!**!

27 November 2008

I want everyone to close their eyes. Actually, read this first and then do what I tell you. Close your eyes and imagine it is a beautiful day outside. It is 78 degrees and a gentle breeze blows across your face. The sound of waves crashing on the sand fills your ears. Yes, you live […]

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Posted in The Attempt to Pay for Food and Shelter while Drinking and Paying for Sex0 Comments

In honor of the of the (CA) Proposition 8 Trials and Tribulations…

27 November 2008

A tribute to Bruce of Family Guy! The only man crush I’ll ever have.

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Posted in Featured Videos, The Life and Times as a Citizen of this World0 Comments

Facebook…just another excuse to show some booty!

26 November 2008

My favorite holiday has always been Halloween. It has absolutely nothing to do with the candy, egging my least favorite neighbor, or the hordes of children running around looking for a sugar high. And yes I know it’s November. Halloween gives every woman under the age of thirty five the excuse to dress like a […]

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Posted in Girls That Make My Penis Cry2 Comments

Fire + Fat + Gasoline = Fun!

26 November 2008

Fat kids always do the craziest things to make friends. At first I felt bad for this poor soul lost in a world of thin and attractive people. But then anyone that does something like this to be cool needs to be put out of their misery.  Watch the video below and see what I […]

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