Author Archives | Meat Machine

The Only USB Drive that Will Get You Laid

Gresso Design is known for its exclusive products that are technologically advanced and “Bling, Bling” at the same time.  Their newest concoction is a USB drive known as the Pandora that retails just shy of a grand at $999.00.  Why would you pay so much for a USB drive?  It has a capacity of 64 […]

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Posted in Stuff Men Buy0 Comments

Kate Beckinsale: She’s English AND Hot

I first saw Kate Beckinsale in the movie “Underworld.”  She wore tight black leather and killed werewolves for a living by slicing their heads in half at the mouth. For three months after its release, I wore a werewolf costume at home hoping she would break down the door in all of her attractive glory. […]

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Posted in Featured Posts, Girls That Make My Penis Cry0 Comments

Megan Fox is…Foxy

There was this movie called “Transformers.”  It stars the incredibly hot bodied Megan Fox.  I honeslty couldn’t tell you anything else about this damn movie except that it starred some other people and featured a yellow car at some point.  I’ve seen this flick three times and still have no clue what the plot is.  […]

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Posted in Featured Posts, Girls That Make My Penis Cry0 Comments

As Seen on TV…

Everyone has seen the originals of these infomercials.  One product actually looks pretty useful while the other is just a testament to how fucking lazy people are getting.  Luckily Jacksfilms of YouTube and Junot00 of BREAK.com made these two popular TV spots almost as entertaining as Girls Gone Wild.

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Posted in Featured Videos, Hysterical, Humorous, and All Around Funny....0 Comments

The Manliest Football Fan Ever…

I like football. I like watching football. I like discussing football. I enjoy the humiliation and pain my friends experience when their teams lose. However, I don’t cry like a little bitch in front of my brethren when my favorite teams lose…and they lose plenty. ** ** I did cry once… but I was by […]

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Poop. Sometimes It’s All You’ve Got

This past Monday, a San Diego public defender got a special prize for doing his job. His client that day, Weusi McGowan, is suspected of home invasion robbery. McGowan, being the upset crazy motherfucker that he is, produced a zip lock bag of his own solid bodily waste. He proceeded to smear fecal matter all […]

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Nice Work, Associated Press

The Associated Press is a news coop well known for the their professionalism, accurate reporting, and the hordes of information they process and broadcast. Their pictures, however, are just plain terrible at times. Here is one of President Barack Obama shaking the Vice President’s hand. Did anyone in their right mind really think this was […]

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Posted in The Life and Times as a Citizen of this World0 Comments

Craigslist Vigilante…

This little gem of an article is definitely a testament to the warrior spirit and the brand of justice that anyone can appreciate. This San Diego Craiglister decided that it wasn’t a good time for him to get mugged: I was the guy with the black leather jacket that you demanded I hand over, shortly […]

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Posted in Hysterical, Humorous, and All Around Funny....0 Comments