Author Archives | Meat Machine

Bullet Impacts Soothe the Soul

When a man needs to relax, nothing does the trick better than watching bullets of various calibers impact in slow motion. Thank you, Werner Mehl, for the virtual massage. ***Actually, sex will do a better job. But when bumping uglies is not an option, this will have to do.

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Tom Cruise Grew A Pair!

We recently saw this image circulating the great wide web of misinformation, nude girls, and madness. We never thought much of Tom Cruise. His movies are at best mediocre. And the dude is certifiably insane almost killing Oprah with his antics (not necessarily a bad thing). But damn, this takes balls…huge balls…the kind that make […]

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Kids Need Close Quarters Battle Skills Too…

This is an older post from DontEvenReply.com. What do we love about this website? The guy is a complete a**hole to people who post classified ads…but in a funny, sincere way of course. The following are classic examples showcasing his prior “military experience.” Check out his site. Operation: Soccer Escort Original ad: I am in […]

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TSA = Free Heavy Petting

Has it been a while since you felt a woman’s touch? Or a man’s touch for that matter? Would you like to get groped and felt up without paying for dinner and a movie? If the mood is right, maybe score a cavity search by the romantic glow of a mag light? If you answered […]

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Mighty Small Firepower!

This is one of those videos on youtube that really makes you wonder about human ingenuity. When most people think about miniature anything, thoughts of tiny ponies, unicorns, or even model cars usually come to mind. The following video displays the exact opposite of the previous gayness just mentioned… with great deadly genius I might […]

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Russians and Pirates Don’t Mix

Russians are a hard people. They wrestle bears. Drink vodka like water. And sometimes, during periods of political rhetoric after drinking vodka and wrestling bears, they have an urge to take back Alaska and point a couple more missiles toward Europe. Recent years have seen an increase in Somali pirate activity and Russia’s response bodes […]

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I’m Dead. What about my Facebook?

Imagine this hypothetical situation…… You are on Facebook uploading random pictures from the 3rd annual drinking tournament dubbed “The Widow Maker” by your nefarious work buddies. Unfortunately, you came in last place and vomited on your friend’s fiancĂ©e, her younger sister, and her newly installed boobs. These types of antics are not new for you […]

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Some women just need practice…

Introducing the newest workout device for women. I’m pretty sure it was invented by a man to increase his woman’s upper body stamina….because he likes him some handy action. Ridiculous….Yes. Genious…Fuck YEAH!

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