Categorized | Stuff Men Buy

The Only USB Drive that Will Get You Laid

Gresso Design is known for its exclusive products that are technologically advanced and “Bling, Bling” at the same time.  Their newest concoction is a USB drive known as the Pandora that retails just shy of a grand at $999.00.  Why would you pay so much for a USB drive?  It has a capacity of 64 gigabytes.  My friends, that is quite a bit of pornographic material to keep in your pocket.  *** For added security of your personalized compilations of Katie Morgan and Tera Patrick, this thumb drive comes with a built in biometric scanner to keep other perverts out of your stash.  So unless some desperate hobo decides to chop off your thumb, your bestiality movies should be safe.  These two features alone make for quite a high tech gadget that any nerd would envy.

There are two models available to choose from and neither is different technologically.  The deviations come only in the form of  aesthetics.  The first, Pandora Black , is made from 200 year old endangered African Blackwood, 18K Gold, and a diamond with an LED light underneath that acts as a reminder of how cool you really are.  The second model, Pandora Red, sports African Redwood, Silver,  and a ruby instead of a diamond.  To check these out, click here!

Steak Army will be releasing our own version soon enough.  It will be constructed from the remnants of 200,000 year old wooly mammoth fossils and lined by the fur of Romanian kittens.  Built in technology will include a “Morning After” dispenser that provides the well known pill in powder form (great for juice, coffee, or tea) and a  sonic induced “Roophie Blast” that will instantaneously sedate any and all females within a 15 foot radius for a period of one hour.

*** My current drive has been rendered unusable due to it not being “fluid” proof.

This is worth more than your daughter.

One of these is worth more than your daughter.

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