If you suck at life, please don’t have kids.

I was perusing the internet as I normally do after a large meal of meat and potatoes and I ran across this little gem of environmental philosophy. We as humans should discontinue procreating: not necessarily stop having sex but just stop having kids. I was extremely taken aback the first time I read this because sex is one of those things that God designed very well. I then realized that kids were the only option being deleted from the equation involving a man and a beautiful, young, sexy piece of female ass. This was somewhat of a relief to me because children are where God really got lazy in his design. They cry for indefinite periods of time, defecate on your favorite recliner, and can’t even help you fix the water heater. But hey, the clan must live on to protect the coat of arms.

The Voluntary Human Extinction Movement does have a very good intention. However their implementation is just bad and too extreme. I definitely agree that certain bloodlines in our pool of genetic matter should not be allowed to continue and if it were up to me, should be eliminated with extreme prejudice. There should be a lock down of uteri and martial law should be declared on all testicles that don’t meet the list of required qualifications for child bearing. I am, however, not a sociologist by profession therefore I am not qualified by any means to create such a list with such impact on the human race. I can, however, provide examples of the worst parents ever and if a time machine were ever built, it should be used to travel back in time and put a bullet in the head of whoever raised and wasted these human souls.

One such incident involves a four year old in Texas that apparently escaped from his house and found his way into an unlocked convenience store. Police found him happily playing with toys. According to the parents, this little man unlocked the front door and made his way down the street in the middle of night. I call bullshit. They probably left him at home alone to go score some heroine. They returned and found him missing.

How about you put down the scotch, throw the crack pipe away, and take care of your goddamn kids! Otherwise I have to pay for these little bastards in a multitude of socio-economic related ways.

–Social services to find them new homes or even take full custody of the misguided children if no other suitable guardians are found.

–Juvenile hall expenses as their warped sense of wrong and right develops into a life of crime.

–Welfare administration and possibly state penitentiary expenses if Juvenile hall didn’t do the trick.

–Increased costs of police and other city services to deal with the increased stresses of having a dedicated population of useless individuals that simply soak up fiscal and human resources like a sponge.

–Not to mention the new car I just bought after busting my ass at work for two years. Why did I reference a new car in this discussion of unnecessary expenditures : Because some fuckhead stole it.

–Oh…don’t forget the need for personal funeral arrangements. That same guy who stole our cars decided to move up in life and dabble in armed robbery. He got your address from your car registration and broke into your house while you were asleep.

If you are fucked up emotionally and psychologically as an individual and you know it, please don’t ever have kids. If you are pregnant or your significant other is with child and you fit the bill for destruction of the earth through de-evolution, pull the eject cord and abort mission. If you already have kids and you know they are going to grow up to be worthless, please ask someone with normal children for all parenting advice. Strip yourself of all command decision making abilities and put the capable parent on speed dial if you have to.


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