Archive | The Life and Times as a Citizen of this World

Big Brother Loves Facebook

I am a paranoid individual. I shred my snail mail, use an IP address blocker, and never use condoms because of the possibility of nano-processors installed during manufacturing that can track my deviant sexual behavior. Social networking sites are no exception when it comes to big brother’s heavy hands and prying eyes. Put on your [...]

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Obama Brand Heroin

Congratulations, Mr. President. You now have a brand of Heroin named after you. We brought you some samples in a nice hardwood collectors box but Condoleeza Rice nabbed it on the way out. The Audacity Of Dope Cops: New York dealers sold heroin branded with president’s name JANUARY 23–Add heroin to the scores of products [...]

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Nice Work, Associated Press

The Associated Press is a news coop well known for the their professionalism, accurate reporting, and the hordes of information they process and broadcast. Their pictures, however, are just plain terrible at times. Here is one of President Barack Obama shaking the Vice President’s hand. Did anyone in their right mind really think this was [...]

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Your Toyota Corolla said you were in Las Vegas…

The world is great right now. I still don’t have a job, food prices have doubled, and I haven’t had sex in three years. Damn you Freddie and Fannie! It’s your fault that I didn’t go to college. Well at least my wife doesn’t know that I go to the local Beaver Hut three times [...]

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President Bush attacked by shoes of mass destruction!

The President of the United States and his family take a lot of abuse from the people. They are constantly under the scrutiny of educated citizens while congress tries to finagle whatever they can out of their beloved leader. Talk show hosts lay into them with fervor hoping to boost rating by some funny but [...]

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Reanimation!

In the current issue of Esquire, the scientific method of “Gorking” has reached clinical trial stages. “Gorking” is what, you ask? Is this another trendy sexual position that I can perform on the next unlucky lady you meet a la the “pile driver” or a “Rwandan Rodeo?” Unfortunately it’s not….unless killing the girl and then [...]

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Anarchists, prepare to have your balls squashed.

Apparently the U.S. government is expecting something very bad to happen by the year 2011. And because the government is expecting something bad to happen, I’m expecting something bad to happen. Because I am now broke from countless nights of strip clubs and coke whoring, I am in a state of denial. After trying to [...]

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In honor of the of the (CA) Proposition 8 Trials and Tribulations…

A tribute to Bruce of Family Guy! The only man crush I’ll ever have.

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