Archive | Girls That Make My Penis Cry

Brooke Burke…I Love You!

This brunette cutie was first seen on E’s Wild On! series which took us on a major booze tour of the world’s best places to party your guts and go blind. Expectantly, the show made half the country green with envy with hopes of someday getting away from their nagging significant other as they watched [...]

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Bianca Gascoigne… Another Win for the Brits!

This English beauty has been featured in both Maxim and FHM. As we all know, these two magazines are known for their choice selection of busty, buxom women. Bianca Gascoigne is no exception to the high standard of these

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Denise Milani: Boobs…They’re What’s for Dinner.

We at Steak Army are fascinated with Denise Milani. We have dedicated an entire research team to the question of why average males turn into a whimpering fool when shown pictures of this outstanding female specimen. After countless hours of calculated, empirical experimentation that would make Harvard Medical School jealous, Steak Army finally has an [...]

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Jessica Alba Owes Me a Keyboard

Every man knows who Jessica Alba is. Because every man knows who she is, every woman knows as well. She has starred in some pretty good movies and has done some horrible ones as well. Either way she is partly responsible for my premature “habits.” Enjoy the photo set and make sure your keyboards are [...]

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Kate Beckinsale: She’s English AND Hot

I first saw Kate Beckinsale in the movie “Underworld.”  She wore tight black leather and killed werewolves for a living by slicing their heads in half at the mouth. For three months after its release, I wore a werewolf costume at home hoping she would break down the door in all of her attractive glory. [...]

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Megan Fox is…Foxy

There was this movie called “Transformers.”  It stars the incredibly hot bodied Megan Fox.  I honeslty couldn’t tell you anything else about this damn movie except that it starred some other people and featured a yellow car at some point.  I’ve seen this flick three times and still have no clue what the plot is.  [...]

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Scarlett Johansson …Yummy!

There are a lot of gorgeous women in Hollywood. But Scarlett has a fantastic girl next door look that will leave you speechless and naked on the corner because you blindly gave her everything you own. Yes I think she is that hot. Unfortunately she stars in the just released movie “The Spirit” which is [...]

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Olga Kurylenko: Russia, you’ve gone and done good.

Olga Kurylenko was in the movie “Hitman.” I instantly decided that a trip to Russia was in order based on the fantasy that every girl there was in some way from the same spectacular gene pool. Of course these plans fell to the wayside due to the economic turmoil that followed. These are the, “I’m [...]

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